Who am I?

Who am I?



Who am I? They often tell me I would step from my prison cell
poised, cheerful, and sturdy,
like a nobleman from his country estate.
Who am? They often tell me I would speak with my guards
freely, pleasantly and firmly,
as I had it to command.
Who am I? I have also been told that I suffer the days of misfortune
with serenity, smiles and pride,
as someone accustomed to victory.

Am I really what others say about me?
Or am I only what I know of myself?
Restless, yearning and sick, like a bird in its cage,
struggling for the breath of life,
as though someone were choking my throat;
thirsting for kind words and human closeness,
shaking with anger at capricious tyranny and the pettiest slurs,
bedeviled by anxiety, awating great events that might never occur,
fearfully powerless and worried for friends far away,
weary and empty in prayer, in thinking, in doing,
weak, and ready to leave it all.

Who am I? This man or that other?
Am I then this man today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? An imposter to others,
but to me little more than a whining, despicable weakling?
Does what is in me compare to a vanquished army,
that flees in disorder before a battle already won?

Who am I? The mock me these lonely questions of mine,
Whoever I am, you know me, O God. You know I am yours.


I remember reading this poem back in college so many years ago. Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote this poem in prison before he was executed in June 1944. What a question, who am I? You would think that approaching the big 60 I would be certain of the woman I am but I still struggle with those same questions. I am not in prison waiting to be executed, but as this poem echoes the struggle that Paul reflected on in Romans 7:24-25: "Who will rescue me from this body that is doomed to die? Thank God! Jesus Christ will rescue me." I have had over the years some of the same feeling that this man of God had, seeing the different feelings from one day to another. I saw the missionary aunt and uncles that I grew up with in Spain as not having those questions, as being mature and all those questions settled as they went about the ministry God had given them. They seemed to have life all figured out. (Of course as I grew up and looked back I found out that was not so!)

I remember as a single school teacher in Mississippi feeling like there had to be more for me than just going to work, and going to several meetings a week. I left a sure job and went to Liberty Bible College without a job waiting for me there. Though a very risky, scary step, I took it on the promise from God that He would guide my steps. So I went to Pensacola and became a student at Liberty Bible College. I learned many wonderful things those two years and saw God provide for all my needs in the supernatural ways that only He can. I met Steve right after I first arrived. We both came to Liberty fall of 1973. Summer of 1975 we were married and it was the next year that we ended up in Costa Rica on our way to Honduras as missionaries. We had Cristina who was only months old as we left on our trip to Costa Rica for our 6 months stay so that Steve could learn Spanish.

I was just thinking of all the different hats that I have had to wear over the years. It's really amazing all the different experiences that the Lord has brought me through. I suppose if I had known about it ahead of time I wouldn't have believed that it would be possible. It is amazing how the Lord knows all the things that we carry around on the inside, all the hidden talents and capabilities that we don't know that are there.

When my brother John was born I was already 11 years old. I remember getting quite involved with taking care of him. It wasn't exactly like being his mother but it prepared me some for what would later on be my own 4 children.

Later on at 14 I began teaching a class of smaller children at a small church that Daddy helped start in Cornella, on the outskirts of Madrid, Spain You can see me in the back on the right beside my Daddy. I don't remember questioning when my Mother said that they needed me to teach. I just remember planning the class and somehow having things for them to do and enjoying myself in the process. When I began to try to decide what career I might be good at in college those years I had taught made it seem easy to just step in to training to be an Elementary School Teacher.

As a young Baptist girl I got involved with an organization called G.A. as short for Girl's Auxiliary. You could do the work and go from being a Maiden to a Queen Regent in Service. I have good memories all the scriptures that I had to memorize, and all the different things I had to do in order to pass each step. I remember doing a chart of Paul's missionary journeys and having to explain them to the person that was checking off my progress.

Little did I know that the memory work and all the understandings that I was gaining at that time was a solid base for what I would be involved in many years later in my life. When we began working with INSTE which was small groups studying how to be a disciple, doctrine and then getting into the Scriptures.. my early learning was a good foundation for that.

We spent more than 3 years

together studying. We lost some of the women along the way but we continued learning together. One lady became a widow during that time and we all walked through that experience with her. The relationships we formed then were relationships for a lifetime. It was a delight to see the women read the whole Bible for themselves for the first time as we studied Old and New Testament.

After graduating from the first level of INSTE I didn't have anyone that could go on with me to do the second level but in no time we began another totally different group where we met in our home (which doubles as our INSTE office) and I was off on another adventure.

It was an interesting mix of people. Three of us were American Missionaries, one guy was a church and school custodian, one was a single girl who is a Pastor of a small church in a poor area of town, and another girl was the wife of a church in town. Needless to say our times of discussion were interesting. The missionary couple found life too busy with their own responsibilites.. and the custodian found that his work load and the distances he had to travel made it impossible to continue. So Rebeca, Nancy, Steve and I continued till we finished.

Finally the day came in 2007 that we graduated and received our Bachelors in Theology.

I had graduated from Mississippi College with a BS in Elementary Education 26 years ago, but this occasion not only represented all the things I had learned but the relationships that I had made as we reflected on what we were learning. What rich memories!

I remember the five years I worked in the Elementary, High School Libraries as well as the Audio Visual Library in Alliance Academy in Quito, Ecuador. I had to have a job in order to have the 4 kids at school. I remember wanting to work in the library but at that time there seemed to

no opening so I had decided that I willing to clean bathrooms if necessary. I just felt like the kids needed to be in Alliance. Right before the kids would start school I received a call that I was needed in the Library. Talk about the Lord giving you the desires of your heart! Those 5 years were also rich in relationships made as I worked there. For sure when my kids had problems in school I was easy to locate so during those years I had a close relationship with the different teachers involved with my children.

It was a time where I was very busy, but at the same time I also found myself deeply involved with what my kids were doing because I was there seeing it all take place. I went to see all the plays they were involved in almost every time they performed them and was always proud. Anita provided me with the opportunity to see JV Volleyball, Basketball, and Soccer. We mothers cheered the teams on.

How was I to know when I was supervising the games for the birthday parties for my brother John that I was learning things that would later on teach other people as they learned how to work with kids in church. I had learned by practical experience what would work and what would not.

So without trying I found myself teaching people how to work with kids, how to keep their attention, and how to effectively teach them.

I also found myself teaching adults games that they could teach children that would contribute to the lesson on deck for that week. A lot of times I had to teach people to remember what it was like to play, and some who had never really played had to learn how to play.

Back when my Dad and Mother had me taking piano lesson I would never have thought that someday I would actually play in worship or lead others in worship. I sang in groups in High School, even in a quartet but the thought that I would lead others in worship was a thought beyond my imagination. Just to know that others might be listening was enough to make me lose it. However over the years worship just would bubble up out of my heart and before I knew it I was doing it. God is gracious!


I could talk about transalating, speaking, working with a weekly ladies group, and many more things. Who am I really? A sum of all those things and many more. As Peter says it in I Peter 1:3: "Praise God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is so good, and by raising Jesus from death, he has given us new life and a hope that lives on." I am thankful for that hope that He give me. I am thankful that all the things that I have experienced in my life so far have been stepping stones to other things that I did later on.
As David said in Psalms 139:16, "Even before I was born, You had written in Your book everything I would do." As I learn every day God's truth about myself I am able to be the woman He made me to be. What a hope I have, my past present and future are in His hands!

So now all of my children have left home and three of them are building their own homes. I see them dealing with the same issues that I have and realize that it is all a part of being a human being living in this fallen world.

How easy it is to

The Heritage of those who love the Lord

But the lovingkindness of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children's children. Psalm 103:17




More than 31 years ago the baby Cristina on the left sat in a bathtub.. and her mother Helen looked on proudly. Who could have known then what this baby's son would be like when he lay in his bathtub in the next picture. Cristina was reflected in this mirror in Pensacola, Florida as Jared was reflected in a little toy mirror in Bunker Hill, Virginia. Even though Jared weighed in less than his mom did at birth it wasn't too long till he passed her up.












What a joy babies bring when they come to a home. even with all the getting up at night and all the work, life is never quite the same after their arrival!


Cristina's great grandmother, Velma Whitten, was thrilled to know Cristina. I remember when Steve and I drove to Weir, Mississippi on a cold December day in 1976 and knocked on her door upon arriving. "MaMaw", as we grandkids called her, opened the door grabbed Cristina in her arms, and disappeared behind the door, practically closing the door in my face! She had what she had been waiting for, her newest great grandchild!




So 32 years later in 2007 Stephen and Cristina flew to Mississippi from Washington D.C., which was close to their house in West Virginia, and rented a car after that to drive from Jackson to Clinton where they came to visit Jared's great grandparents (my parents).Even though "Maw" Whitten (my mother) was in a nursing home you can see the same look of a proud great grandmother looking speculatively for the first time at her great grandson Jared.



"Paw" Whitten, who was in a separate Assisted Living Residence at the time, was equally happy to get to know his great grandson. Due to his Macular Degeneration he was not able to see Jared as he would have liked but he nevertheless enjoyed holding him and seeing him up close.





Children's children are the crown of old men (and old women I might add!) Proverbs 17:6

Here you can see three generations of the first born children in their families. My mother was the the oldest and the only girl in her family of three boys after her. In my family I am the eldest and have a sister and two brothers. When I had my children Cristina was the eldest with a sister with two brothers.


What a blessing to have such a rich heritage in the Lord! I have come to love a scripture in Isaiah 61:9. Ever since my children began leave home to go to college this scripture has sustained me.
I have personalized this scripture and have used it as I have prayed for my children.

"My descendants shall be known among the Gentiles, and my offspring among the people.All who see them will acknowledge them, that they are the posterity whom the Lord has blessed."

I am thankful for my heritage in the Lord that goes even farther back than my Whitten Granparents. My great granfather Whitten was a circuit preacher that covered a number of little country churches in rural Mississippi. We heard many times of his adventures riding a horse in the snow to different churches on those cold wintery days and getting paid in chickens and other produce that the people had handy at the time. Having said all that I am so glad that as John reminisced in his gospel he said, "But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become the children of God, to those who believe in His name." I am glad that I have received him and that He is faithful to let me be a child of God. What a privilege! What a joy to see how the Lord has continued to bless our children as they follow Him and will now continue to bless our first grandchild Jared and Luke who is soon to make his appearance.

The Legacy of a Good Man

The righteous shall flourish like a palm tree, He shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon. Those who are planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish in the courts of our God. They shall bear fruit in old age; they shall be fresh and flourishing. Psalm 92:12-13

My Dad, Charles Whitten just turned 86 this year. He has had to deal with Macular Degeneration, and now a bit of sleep apnea after having two stents put in his heart valves. I am constantly amazed at how patiently he has faced all those challenges with very few complaints. Mark Twain used to say "When I got older I was amazed at how wise my Father had become". That certainly has been my experience.

When I think of him there in TracePointe Assisted Living in Clinton, Mississippi I can see him getting up every morning to his radio alarm clock that has a rooster crowing to wake him up at 6:00 a.m.. After brushing his teeth and getting his clothes on he puts his cassettes of the Bible and listens like he does every day. Then at around 6:30 if it is a nice day he walks around the building three times to what he has figured amounts to three miles. On days that the weather is bad he has figured how to walk the halls of Trace Pointe to rack up the same distance.

When my Mother was in the same room with him they would take out the Open Window which is a devotional book with the birthdays of missionaries at the back. They read the Bible reading for that day and after reading the commentary of the selection and reading the missionaries having birthdays that day they took turns praying for the family. There is a long list but they have made that a daily part of their schedule. Even now as I am older I find a lot of comfort knowing my parents are praying for us as part of that list. These days it may be a bit harder to get my Mother to participate, but I know my Daddy keeps up the praying. He told me how he had been praying for Tim in Iraq the last time we talked by phone.

Then he walks down to the room where Mother sleeps with the travel bag hanging from his shoulder. This bag has his recorder with the current book he is "reading" by listening. We have been so thankful for the books that are recorded for those who cannot see. Daddy has read more since having Macular Degeneration than perhaps ever. A lot of times when we talk we end up reflecting about a current book he is listening to.

Daddy spends all morning there with my Mother and when she is dressed and ready they go up to eat in the dining room upstairs. It is a good time for my Mother to interact with the other people in Trace Point. After lunch he leaves Mother snoozing in her bed and he walks to his room and takes a nap himself. On getting up he spend the rest of the afternoon with Mother till she eats supper and when she is being made ready for bed he slips back to his room where he listens to some T.V before he too goes to bed.

September the 4th of this year which was my Daddy's 86th birthday we remembered that it had been 49 years since my Dad almost died in an automobile accident between Madrid and Zaragoza, Spain. My grandparents who were visiting that summer were in the car as well as David, Margaret, and I. I was 10 years old almost ready to start 5th grade.

What would my life had been like if my Dad had died in this accident? He had 7 broken ribs, a crushed spleen (to the point it had to be removed), a damaged liver, and a pint and a half of blood that filled his plural cavity. My mother would have had to return to the United States and that would have changed my life entirely. I look at these pictures these 49 years later and wonder how we all fit in the car and how we all didn't die in the wreck.

Psalms 139:16 says, You saw me before I was born. The days allotted me had all been recorded in Your book, before any of them began. What an amazing thought that God had my Dad's days programmed as well as mine and he knew that we would walk through that experience.

Just like Daddy prays for the missionaries on their birthdays I wonder how many people later realized that they were praying for him on a day that he really needed special prayer. There were a series of miracles that got Daddy to an American Air Force Base that was able to operate on him right away.. their f.m radio station was just being inaugerated and they called for A- blood which was somewhat rare, but he needed it in order to survive the operation since he had lost so much blood. Dr. Bloomberg operated on Daddy and said when he came out, "I did my part, now it's up to God to do the rest." God did the rest and my Daddy has lived another 49 years since then.

Daddy and Mother's ministry went from 30 years on mainland Spain, to the Canary Islands (part of Spain but Islands off the mainland). In that time period all of us went to college, started working and got married. Daddy and Mother's last period of missions service was in Equatorial Guinea (the only country in Africa that speaks Spanish). Even now in TracePointe Daddy and Mother have ended up in ministry situations. Daddy does the devotional some mornings, he has preached for the Sunday and Wednesday night meetings in the chapel. He continues to let God's mission flow through him to those he comes in contact with. I, as his daughter, am so grateful to have him around still. There is no way to express the feeling that I have when I call and he answers. He will always be my Daddy whom I love and respect. I am so grateful that my Daddy didn't die 49 years ago, but hung around for me to get to know him like I am getting to know him now!

I am really blessed to have had both of my parents this long. At this time in my life I have no promise of how many years more I have but I am grateful for every day more that the Lord give me with both of my parents.

Can God Provide for our future?

The steps of a man are established by the Lord; and He delights in his way. When he falls, he shall not be hurled headlong; because the Lord is the One who holds his hand. I have been young and now I am old; yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, or his descendants begging bread. All day long he is gracious and lends; and his descendants are a blessing. Psalm 37:23-26

I saw this picture on the internet and it brought images to my mind of small poor boys here in Guatemala City who stand in front of vehicles stopped at red lights juggling balls hoping that the occupants in the cars will give them some spare change or a Quetzal coin which at this time is worth about 14 cents. These boys certainly don't look like these folks in the picture in their suits probably trying to make a statement as to the economic condition of the U.S. and the stock market in particular.

Who can say that the people in these pictures in Guatemala are suffering anymore or any less than anyone else in the world but for sure they have felt the economic pressures for a long time and have felt like they have little or no control over their lives as they know it.

These boys who in most parts of the world would be in school are earning money to be able to eat by shining people's shoes. They probably don' t know that life can be any easier. That is what they have been used to.

I read that because of the economic measures taken in the U.S. we don't really know what problems we are leaving the generations to come. Some have even gone so far as to say that the life that awaits the coming generations will be less that what we are now experiencing.

Lately I read Psalms 71:17-18 : Oh God, you have taught me from my youth; and I still declare Your wondrous deeds. And even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, until I declare Your strength to this generation, Your power to all that are to come.

Now that we have a grandson and another one on the way naturally I begin to think, what kind of life awaits these two grandsons as well as all the other grandchildren that will come eventually? Is God's hand too short that He cannot save this next generation? Is He still the God that doesn't change? As we allow the Lord to order our steps we will continue to see His strength in the generations to come. What a time to depend on the Lord. All other sources are falling around us. He is our strength!

Who does he look like?

So God created man in His image, in the image of God created He him; male and female created He them. Genesis 1:27

Why is it when a baby is first born that as the family gathers around and looks at this new creature everyone begins to wonder, "Who does he look like?" I remember as I first gazed down at this wonderful new being that was my first grandson I tried to see charecteristics of his Mother, his Dad, and then even of the aunties or the uncles, or even as far back as me or Steve. Who does Jared look like?

Does he look like his Uncle Philip here in this picture? His Uncle Philip didn't have much hair his first year of life, and Jared didn't have much hair when he first made his appearance.

How about his Aunt Anita on the right? His hair seemed dark at first as hers does here on the right. They weighed close to the same weight. Can we see a resemblance there?

His Mommy Cristina weighed a bit more than he did, but I can see some similarity between the two.. they do look like they are from the same family don't they?

But then we have his Dad here sucking his thumb just like Jared likes to do when he is sleepy. Does he look like him?

He certainly doesn't have the reddish hair that his Uncle Tim had in this picture before he turned one. His hair is more evident than his nephew Jared's is.

These are some of the things that roll around this Grandmother Helen's head these days . However I began to think, if we are God's children what makes us look like him? As I started out saying... God created man and woman in His image. What does the word image mean? If am in His image what does that say about me? Funk and Wagnall's Dictionary defines image as: "a representation or likeness of a real or imaginary person, creature or object."

When I look at Jared he does represent both the Cobb and the Meier family and if we look enough at each member or each family we will probably find some likeness to several of them. So how do I represent or look like God?

St Augustine, one of the church fathers of the early church said, "Thou has formed us for Thyself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in thee." God made us for Himself! Isn´t that amazing! God made me because he wanted me for himself! In these days of uncertainty isn't it amazing that He made ME for himself!

When we become joined with Christ as it says in II Corinthians 3 then when we read the word something interesting happens. In verse 18 it says, "All of us, then, reflect the glory of the Lord with uncovered faces; and that same glory, coming from the Lord, who is the Spirit, transforms us into His likeness in an ever greater degree."

Little babies grow into looking like the families they come from because of the family genes. But we as we are joined to Jesus and walk with Him, we begin to reflect His glory. That is what makes us like him. That is what I was created to be--God's property. That is an amazing thought!